A Therapist's Top 4 Ways to Stay Calm During Stressful Holiday Gatherings

With high expectations for holiday cheer, family gatherings can be stressful for everyone involved. To make matters worse, if you tend to have a strained relationship with your family, you may find yourself regressing into well-worn patterns that make you more prone to judgments, arguments, or anger. That's why Jeff Guenther, LPC, a therapist and content creator who goes by Therapy Jeff on social media, recently shared his top four ways to stay calm during a stressful holiday gathering, focusing especially on people who find themselves revisiting the toxic family dynamics they've left behind.

You can head over to TikTok to see his decidedly NSFW tirade full of tips or read on for our cleaned-up version of his insights to get you through this holiday season.

RELATED: "Solar Winter" Is Here—How to Keep It From Ruining Your Mood, Therapists Say.

1 Limit your feelings of obligation.

Being in a family sometimes means setting your own feelings aside for the sake of greater peace. However, Guenther says it's important to limit your feelings of obligation toward your family members if they have done little to earn your trust or affection.

"Remind yourself that it's completely okay to not want closeness with certain family members even if they are your biological relatives. Being related doesn't obligate you," he says.

2 Give yourself permission to change and grow.

Guenther suggests that a common cause for conflict at family holiday gatherings is that one person has grown, while other "stagnant" family members view their changed nature as a betrayal or rejection.

"You're abandoning their toxic system. It's easier for them to blame you rather than face their own accountability for the hurt they've caused. Remember, it is not your fault for striving to be a better person," he says.

RELATED: 7 Effective Ways to Control Your Anxiety, According to Therapists.

3 Honor your stated boundaries.

If you don't communicate your boundaries, you can't expect people to honor them. However, once you have shared those boundaries with others, it's fair to hold them firmly, says Guenther.ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb

"Stand before the mirror and firmly recite this affirmation: 'My intention is peace and harmony. I will hold space for my family members without judgment because I am the bigger person and I take pride in that. They're just doing their best. But let it be clear—if one more person crosses a clearly stated boundary, I will excuse myself,'" he says.

4 Focus on the physical.

Peppered throughout his advice for when you're "hiding in the bathroom wondering… how you're related to these people" are two great tips for calming yourself down physically.

First, Geunther suggests that you can reset your sympathetic nervous system by simply adding water: "Turn on the faucet and let your hands glide under the cold water to lower your body temperature."

Second, he recommends taking a moment to practice breath control before heading back into the gathering. "Plant yourself on the floor, back up against the wall, and engage in some slow, deep breathing," he recommends.

For more wellness tips sent directly to your inbox, sign up for our daily newsletter.

Lauren Gray Lauren Gray is a New York-based writer, editor, and consultant.Read moreFiled UnderFamily • Holidays • Mental Health • News • Relationship AdviceRead This Next

• Here Is How to Save Major Money at Hotels

  Here is exactly how to land the best room rate possible.November 21, 2023

• 3 Things Therapists Wish They Could Ask

  He'd never actually ask them, but he might be onto something.December 4, 2023

• Key Ways to Slash Stress During the Holidays

  The next few months don't have to feel overwhelming and exhausting, experts say.November 11, 2023

• 8 Red Flags Someone Is Being Fake Nice

  Here's how to spot insincerity—and what you can do about it.October 26, 2023

• 7 Effective Ways to Control Your Anxiety

  Don't let your uneasiness upend your entire life. Follow these practices instead.October 24, 2023

• Everything You Need to Know About Ikigai, The New Hygge

  Meet the next "life philosophy" trend sweeping the globe.October 17, 2017

• 30 Life Changes You Should Make After 30

  You're too old to skip those doctors visits.February 20, 2018

• This Is Why Lying Is Good for You

  A little fib never hurt anyone—in fact, lying may be good for you.March 26, 2018

• How I Look 15 Years Younger—And How You Can, Too

  The plan is easy, effective, and works for everyone.August 30, 2018

• The Secret to Raising Healthy Kids

  Hint: It's one of the oldest family traditions in the book. December 15, 2017